I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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