Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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