Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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