There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
