That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
