You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
