we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i need some magic done to my vagina
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I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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