I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
