Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
