fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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