I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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