Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
