i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
