Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
