The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
