I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
