there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
