Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
