ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
