i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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