Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
