I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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