the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
