yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
