so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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