Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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