I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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