I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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