Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
