He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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