just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
