it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
