watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
