Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
