big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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