im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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