she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
