so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't put those talents on a resume
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We smell like vodka and hangover
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