i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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