She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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