I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
