yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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