Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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