i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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