yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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