It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
