At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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