i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
