i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
being pregnant is like rehab
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
