I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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