Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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