i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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