dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
