Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
