Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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