You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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