Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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