So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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