i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
